Thank you. For the last 3 months I’ve been staring at the same blog post from this kid Dowdder, day in and day out. It’s driving me nuts. Yes, I get it already about eating baby food. You wanna laugh? I did it. My brother Crisp had a new born, his son Burl (this was years ago) and I was at his place helping put in a new irrigation sump near the chowder (I just wrote a bunch of farm bullshit to see who’s awake) Anyway, it was lunchtime and I came into his kitchen having not eaten anything since before dawn and then it had only been a Slim Jim and a Diet Pepsi. I was starved. Lunch wasn’t ready yet so Crisp’s wife Ondine told me to help myself to anything I saw. She was going to head upstairs to the baby. There was nothing to eat that I could see except for the hamburger patties still sizzling in a pan on the stove and a box of Gerber’s strained peaches. For babies. See what I’m saying. So rather than eat raw, uncooked hamburger meat, I popped the lids off of the Gerbers and drained the contents of 6 strained peaches jars. I looked myself in the mirror and saw peach juice on my face and empty baby food jars on the table behind me. Christ, I felt low. Lower than whale shit, as the saying goes. I knew Crisp and Ondine would have questions. But I was alive. Alive. Thanks to Gerbers Strained Peaches. Me, I, General Gaylen Shaw. I ate baby food and I loved it. God help me but I loved it so. I loved it more than my life.
I wanted to write a blog about something other than baby food but I got sucked into writing one ABOUT baby god damned food. Damn baby food. Damn all the baby food that ever was.
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