Wednesday, September 1, 2004

Hour 1: Jay Santos is on patrol to harass motorists who pick their kids up at school but live less than 5 miles away.

Hour 2: Phil speaks with a man currently serving a life sentence for murder at a Florida correctional facility. The prisoner’s new book, “Dating Tips With Walter Damon Maynard” claims to be a standard primer on etiquette. But it also includes dosing instructions for NyQuil Gel capsules. And in a chapter entitled, “When Things Go Wrong,” Maynard advises wielding the claw-end of a hammer. Flashback with pharmaceutical salesman Chris Norton, who argues that he should be allowed to hang erotic shots of women in his cubicle, since his female co-workers hang up photos of their husbands. And since the husbands “give it” to their wives “every night,” their pictures are actually way more suggestive. The “Natural Home Building with Brian Wersham” show. Wersham’s abject hatred of “selfish” trees has led him to create homes from stray animal dung, which he claims anyone can build in one afternoon.

Hour 3: Bobbie and Steve Dooley report from the Republican National Convention. They believe any Democrat speaking in favor of President George W. Bush should be immediately committed for psychiatric care. A man named Brent, who claims to run an “informal” Phil Hendrie Show fan club, pleads with Phil to record a greeting for his answering machine, live on the air. Unfortunately, he is not easy to please. Next, Jeff Wagahusky, a man who literally has a “tongue so long that it’s coming out of his head” gives an unintelligible review of the film “The Passion of The Christ.” It’s all part of David G. Hall’s equal opportunity hiring program. “The Skippy and Frank Show” is live in NYC for the Republican convention. But their real goal is to create the best “porno names” for the twin Bush daughters. Luckily for everyone, a member of the secret service overhears their stupidity and calls in a precisely targeted and extremely destructive air strike on the duo.