Hour One:
Phil starts out by referencing an e-mail from some scumbag that loves his show but thinks our soldiers in Iraq are baby-killers. Then Gene and Mary Templeton's Wine Tasting Show features wines made by celebrities. Gene says the pinot noir made by Greg Norman takes like "arse." The game show, "Who Wants To Be A Human Sacrifice Follows" where a housewife allows her still-beating heart to be carved out of her chest for cash and prizes. Pastor William Rennick comes on briefly to tell Phil he and "Miss Clara" are going to Rome to see if the Pope really does go to heaven in a fiery chariot because if he does, Pastor Rennick says, "my clothes come off."
Hour Two:
Sportswriter Don Killgalen from the Dallas Evening Telegram is Phil's guest. He says that Wade Boggs shouldn't be in the Hall of Fame because he was so dumb that if and when kids visit Cooperstown and look at his bust, they'll be staring into his "dumb, dead eyes." He says Ryne Sandberg shouldn't be in the Hall because he was overexposed being on TV for so many years with the Cubs and people will see his bust in Cooperstown and say "him again?" He doesn't think Thurman Munson belongs in the Hall because he was too dumb to land an airplane and he doesn't think Steve Garvey belongs in the Hall because his wife, Cindy, was on television with Regis Philbin.
Hour Three:
Dave Oliva is a waiter at the Grand Junction Steak House in Westwood. he is also studying to be a LAPD officer. He uses "law enforcement procedure" at the restaurant by telling people to stack their dishes nicely before he brings the check. If they don't, he follows them to door and says "hey man, nice job stacking those dishes." At one point, he says people are such pigs that a family left something in a napkin and he "wasn't sure what it was."
