Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Hour 1: It’s Coast to Coast with “Art Bell.” Art and General Johnson Jameson try to tackle the great mystery of why Dan Rather still has a job. Immediately afterwards, a man named Jerry calls to tell Phil the Art Bell bit was “too predictable.” He says he used to write for “Designing Women” so he’s qualified to give advice. Next up is a new show called “Libertarian Radio.” Despite losing his tongue in a childhood accident, host Roy Ott’s passion for freedom is firmly in place. Too bad no one can understand a word he says.Jay Santos previews his discussion tomorrow night on personal responsibility in law enforcement. For example, Jay recently fined himself $25.00 for getting turned on by seeing lawyer Gloria Allred on television. In this flashback, Steve Bosell is suing Microsoft because Halo caused him to whip his son after he lost a competitive round with him.

Hour 2: Margaret Gray hit on a young Democratic fundraiser male who rebuffed her advances, and she claims he must be gay and that being in the closet is hurting the campaign.

Hour 3: Dr. Vernon Bronski is live from the Sherman Oaks Galleria to spread the word on something he calls “neo-homeopathy.” He only needs to see the tongue of a person to make a medical diagnosis, and demonstrates his technique on unsuspecting shoppers. In this flashback, coach Vernon Dozier says women reporters on the sidelines don’t know anything about sports and do harm by being distractingly sexy. Phil and Bud Dickman discuss the recent Miss America pageant and its waning ratings. This provokes Bobbie Dooley to call in and explain that most beautiful women are stupid, so of course no one wants to watch them on television. Next, it’s “Rastafarian Radio,” usually hosted by Big J. As J is indisposed, filling in is the station’s uncomfortable weatherman Terry McCoy. Terry finds it impossible to pronounce the word “reggae” but promises listeners a lot of “Jamaican Boogie Music.” The “Comb-over Boy Show” is back to talk about the issues… YOU… reaaaaally care about… Like, what do you do when you’re in a hotel room in Seattle, trying to order a escort, and they say no prostitutes with facial hair are available that evening?