Hour One:
Herb Sewell reported from the Michael Jackson trial saying Michael out to get himself declared legally insane so he can go to Atascadero and play cards with Walter Belhaven. Phil then started talking about the Easter ham Maria made and immediately David G. Hall called in and told Phil not to talk about "pulling ham" for FCC reasons. Then Phil tries to do "Weekend Sports Update with Laurel and Hardy" but the music isn't right so he abandons the bit. Then Adolph Hitler comes on to say he doesn't appreciate getting blamed everytime some kid claims "neo-Nazi" affinity. Besides, he just got cable in Paraguay and is catching up on "Happy Days." He even does a Tom Bosley impression.
Hour Two:
Brian Grant of the LA Lakers comes on to host an hour on Terri "Shiveno." Brian says the only food Terri's been getting are the flies buzzing into her mouth. He goes on to say the look on her face is the exact same look the Lakers have on their faces at the end of the game when they're looking at the scoreboard.
Hour Three:
Craig Hardy with News Overheard in a Bar starts off the hour. One of his items: He heard a guy say in a bar the other day that Bush made some kids look for chicken eggs on the front lawn of the White House so he could have an omelet. Father McQuarters comes on to say it looks like the Pope is going down for the count. The Father says all life is precious even if you are reduced to the mental state of a Maggio carrot. The Jeff Dowder comes on to sing "Goodbye Terri Schiavo." He also makes the carrot comparison. And then Clara Bingham comes on to to ask why Woody Allen and George Kennedy were talking to the press about the Terri Schiavo case. Phil then realizes she's talking about Terri Schiavo's parents.
