Hour 1: Dean Wheeler is offering Valentine's Day dance packages, which includes Rohypnol, the date rape drug. Dean argues the drug is an aphrodisiac and helps relieve a woman's nervousness. Phil closes on CIA holding cells and John Walker.
Hour 2: Ted Bell was attacked by a lesbian employee with an ice pick when he tried to put the moves on her in the cooler. He says Rosie O'Donnell is a traitor to us all and his employee is a heterosexual. After all, his restaurant is a meat restaurant. Phil closes on Afghanistan reporters.
Hour 3: VARIETY.
