Month: November 2010

Tonight we brought on the show Professor Emory Clayton of LA Canyon College to explain the Four Lokko controversy. This alcohol/caffeine drink has swept American campuses with some tragic results. Students have been hospitalized with alcohol poisoning due to the highly caffeinated drink delaying the effect of alcohol intoxication. One young man shot himself after a night of drinking Four Lokko. Professor Clayton tells Phil and his listeners that its clear the government needs to step in “and step on these entrepreneurial exercises that target our young people without regard to health or safety.” He went on to descibe his experimentation with Four Lokko. “I drank a couple before a teacher/student conference with a young lady not feeling I’d be in danger since my students drink them and know the effects. Well I became intoxicated to the point of feeling God-like, as if I had power over all living things on earth.” When told he shouldn’t have been drinking before the conference, Professor Clayton said “I usually drink a Johnny Walker Blue with a water back before all my conferences so this shouldn’t have been any big deal.”

First out of the gate tonight was Steve Bosell from Corona, California whose errant golf shot into a tract of homes caused friend Roy Hutchins to exclaim “Those poor, innocent people!” This remark, plus Mr. Hutchins subsequent mimicking of a little girl getting hit with a golf ball, messed with Mr. Bosell’s mind. He blew the rest of the golf game and lost $500. After the match, he got drunk in the clubhouse and upon returning home, after being asked by his son how his game went, smacked his son. Bosell claimed the kid asked him the question “with a wink and a smile.”

Following that hour of joy we had Justin McElroy on. The high school junior wants to complete a Mass Media assignment by filming a riot at Walmart on Black Friday “because that’s how Geraldo Rivera got his start although I’m not Puerto Rican.” They had videoed so-called bum-fights until the school threatened them with suspension. Now, Justin and his pals plan on provokling the Walmart riot by pushing against people and putting up signs that say “crazy, dirty deals on Blu Ray players, $30! Plus they got plenty of that good, cheap Chinese stuff.”

…you missed another history making moment..Jeff Dowder’s pitch to get DNA from the Shroud of Turin and clone Jesus…

“How do you tell Jesus he not smoke no owl. He Jesus. He do what he want.”–Dowder

Wednesday, October 27, 1999
“Get Me a Cup of Coffee!!” Larry Grover says that when you’re in a professional place of business, it’s customary for the receptionist to bring you coffee. Larry says that it’s the least they can do considering they will be automated out of a job in five years

Wednesday, October 27, 1999
“The Jesus Clone” Jeff has this wacky idea that if you use the DNA from the blood of Jesus that’s on the “Sheet of Turin” you can clone him! More than likely the clone with have some “Jesus-like” powers and if you don’t believe in him, God might put a lig

Wednesday, January 5, 2000
“Lucy Loves Me” Lloyd Bonifide wants to know “What ever happened to customer service?” after he caught a stripper named Lucy giving a table dance to another man.

Monday, January 17, 2000
“Looney Tunes Blows” Gay journalist Doug Danger criticizes the voice actors who have taken over Mel Blanc’s “Looney Tunes” characters.

Middle school teacher Clara Bingham told Phil she is attempting to get a Harrry Potter display taken down in the schools library. “Its and issue of the sepersation of church and state” since the Harry Potter movies teach “black magic.” And of course with the issue of school bullying, that’s all we need. Some bullies with a knowledge of black magic bothering kids. Clara did however think black magic was involved when she saw this “pudgy white girl with braces having her books carried for her by a beautiful caucasian-Trinidad boy.”

Bob Green of Frazier Foods admits to Phil his stores were collection points for the US Navy Veterans Association, a charity scam that the Ohio attorney general alleges bilked “100 million dollars” out of the American people over the last 10 years. Bob says he is disgusted but holds “about 200,000 dollars in an account collected for this group.” Bob tells Phil he’s decided to use that money to buy product from his store to create gift baskets for Vets that people can purchase.  When Phil points out that Bob is buying from himself with money he got for free, Bob responds with “That’s a lot of clever talk.”

See, we got our shit completely together….

Tonight, Doug Dannger from the Orange County Courier reported to Phil that “according to my sources, Daniel Radcliffe, star of the Harry Potter movies, has been so disgusted with the whole 10 year experience, he exposed himself to the crowd at last nights premiere of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” As Doug told it using a badly edited piece of tape, Radcliffe told the crowd he was sick of them, said “shake hands with this,” exposed himself and went into the theater.

                                            Rad

Margaret Grey, nationally syndicated columnist, joined Phil in his second hour to talk about humans and their relationship with dogs. Margaret is a big “Dog Whisperer” fan and told Phil’s audience the Dog Whisperer says that letting a dog walk in front means you are allowing the dog to think it’s the pack leader and you’re “degrading the human race almost back to the jungle. For many of your callers Phil, the ‘Dog Whisperer’ is Michael Vick. Have a very pleasant and restful morning” Click.

“Oh baby what I wouldn’t give…..”