Facebook expernced unprecedented technical challenges last night, culminating in a 10 minute period of unseen activity that caused suspension of services.
Bill Fewer, Facebook employee, can't figure out how to do all of the stuff he was supposed to do.
Fred Lamar, diector of floor operation for Facebook said the problems originated with staff members who "forgot how to do it."
"Our people forgot how to make things run. They didn't remember which buttons to push and how to turn stuff on. It can happen when there's a lot of stuff you gotta do," Lamar said, speaking on condition of anonymity. "When our 3rd shift arrived they looked like they were okay but when they sat down to do the website things you do, they couldn't because it was just too much. Many of them asked me but all I know how to do is do the e-mail but only mine."
Order and functionalty were restored when the entire Facebook shift working at the time of the systems failure was forcibly evicted by a Sheriff's tactical squad.
Buck Digrigorio, chairman of Facebook, told reporters at an early moorning press conference "A lot of times you forget how to do it when there are too many blinking lights and fake virus alerts and instant messages and it's all happening at once."
Terry Giddings was one of the most respected men in his town of Shoemaker, a small Ohio Valley hamlet of some 200 people. He loved train sets, remote controlled airplanes and slot cars and spent many hours showing his different collections to youth groups around town. But last night, Shoemaker police detectives and FBI agents found a very difrerent Terry Giddings. Acting on a tip, police stormed Giddings residence in the Wathburg Basin area and found him dressed as a Nazi and directing a bombing attack against Coventry, England!
A mild mannered 48 year old, no one in his apartment complex had any idea that when this soft-spoken auto-valet returned home in the evening, he would immediately don the uniform you see in the photo and begin deporting Jews, questioning and torturing resistance members and directing Waffen-SS troops in the field around Anzio Beach, Italy. No one heard a thing or so they say.
"Once we sort out the various statements we've gotten we'll have a better handle on what people did or didn't hear." said Det. Frank Ditnen, assigned to head the investigation. "People's minds have a way of clearing up once they're assured that a perpatrator is locked up."
During the day, Giddings was a parking lot manager for Sunny Side Of The Street Auto Valet. Apparently though he had a life very much apart from the one he spent his days in, a friendly guy handing you your ticket, taking your keys and parking your car, he was an Obersturmbanfuerer in the German SS and dined with Hitler on occasion!! But his friends and co-workers had no inkling. "People loved Terry," said Irv Blew, the owner of Sunny Side Of The Street. "I loved him. He showed me ideas on how to maximize lot space, how we could make more money by parking fewer cars. He was amazing. When the police told me about this, I says 'boy you sure don't know people, do you.'
How Giddings was able to pet sit two of his neighbors cats, make dinner for an elderly woman in the apartment complex who'd suffered a broken hip and still attend staff meetings in the Wolfs Laire and kick political detainees to death in their cells, all while no one who lived around him suspected a thing, has got Shoemakers cops scratching their heads for now. Says Ditnen: "We'll figure it out sooner or later but let's just say this. I won't be going home early any time soon."